I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
