so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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