So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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