ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
