lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
