I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
you will always have a special place in my vag
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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