I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Randomize
