Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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