I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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