i think i have herpe
just one?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
