We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
