maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize
