you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
