She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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