At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
