well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
