...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You're my little dorito
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
