I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
