so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
