he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
accomplished twins. life is a go
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
