Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
In America we eat man semen.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
