i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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