I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
