Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
