what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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