this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
