She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
