I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
