my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
