I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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