Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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