There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
