okay pat passed out under dana's car
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
