apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
