I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize
