kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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