Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you traded sex for a burrito?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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