She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
