They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
