you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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