They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
