Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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