Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
