I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
