You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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