So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
