My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
