Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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