Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
