It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
