we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
