at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
