just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
