Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
