Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
