Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
