How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
