these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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