is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
