ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
