I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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