It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
