He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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