i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
