Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
