i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
