Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Whod you bang
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
