U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
